I am crazy jealous.

I admit it. I am jealous. I am sooo jealous, I feel crazy.

I am also hurt.

Don't remember if any of you remember me writing about one of my friends dating my cousin. Short recap:

I take my 31 y/o friend on trip to hang with my cousins (who are like sisters, we have matchin tatoos...). My friend, we'll call her B, meets my 23 y/o boy cousin, but they don't hang out for any significant amount of time. 3 days after we get home (trip was 4.5hrs away), B tells me my 23 y/o cousin is going to come visit her. I tell her I don't approve, I know them both and he just wants sex. She tries to tell me he is coming to visit so they can "get to know each other better". I tell her he just wants sex. She persues the relationship anyhow. They dated for a month, before he decided the sex wasn't worth the drive anymore.

B and I haven't talked since then (probably 7 months or so). I am hurt that our frienship wasn't worth a very unlikely relationship. We spent hours in car on the way to and from visiting my cousins talking about what she was looking for, in very general terms. My cousin didn't even fit that. I thought our friendship was stronger than that. Come to find out it wasn't. We have been friends since I was 10 or 11.

This past weekend one of my sister cousins had a birthday. She invited her closest friends for a weekend in charleston. She invited me, but I couldn't make it.

She posted pictures of her birthday weekend on monday and B was in her pictures.

It broke my heart. It made me want to punch someone.

I am so angry that B has the nerve to persue a friendship with my cousins, that i am so close with.

I am so hurt by my cousins, that they would entertain a relationship with B.

I am sooo jealous that B gets to have a fun weekend with my cousins, and I don't.

I knew they kept in touch via facebook, because B is one of the people that comments on every single post. I didn't think the relationship went past FB though. Seeing those pictures were really hard.

I told my cousins that I was hurt. One of them was devastated that they had hurt me. The other hasn't responded. Which is exactly how I thought it would go...

B and I made plans last week to have dinner this week and try to reconcile, all the while she was planning a trip to see my cousins.

I cancelled our plans. With how raw I feel right now, I don't think anything productive would come out of it.

Maybe I have no right to feel this way. Maybe I am just being crazy jealous, but I have tried and I can't change these feelings right now.