I think I have mentioned here before that my dad is awesome. His heart is full of love for me and he lets me know it on a regular basis. He also does NOT know that I am gay....
I only figured things out for myself a few years ago and have only really accepted it over the past year. Hence the blog and all of the coming out stories.
The thing I am most afraid of right now is coming out to my dad. The thought of our relationship changing makes me so very sad. I know I can't predict how he will react, but for now the fear is too overwhelming to face it.
I took the GF out on the boat with my parents this weekend. She went as a friend along with some other friends. While she had a great time, it was still difficult for her to pretend not to be dating me. I hate that I have to ask her to do that, but she says that she is happy to do so.
I am soooo torn. I can't stand putting her in that position, but I also can't bear the thought of coming out to my father right now.
The evening on the boat went really well though. Funny enough, at the end of the night the GF made a point to say goodbye to my dad and he scurried off of the boat and onto the dock to make sure he gave her hug before she left.
Part of the reason I am having a really hard time coming out to my dad is because of the comments he makes. He uses the word "queers" in the most negative sense quite often. He also does the same when it comes to african amerians and people from the middle east. He says things that are awful.....BUT when he interacts with these people it is totally different. It is like he is just programed to say these things yet there is nothing there backing it up.
Had he seen the GF just walking down the street, he would have made a comment and it wouldn't have been nice (she is obviously a dyke to even the most novice eye). But here he was on sunday going out of his way to make sure he gave her a hug.
There is not a hateful bone in my dad's body. I need to keep reminding myself of that, even when he makes innapropriate comments.....
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aw squirt. that's so hard. and scary.
ReplyDeletemy parents were def the most difficult to come out to but my dad said he was most upset I hadn't told him sooner, for all he wants is myhappiness.
while it may be hard for him at first, he loves you no matter what.
I promise you, the relief you'll feel will be so incredible. once I told my parents, it was mostly smoothe sailing from there.
I was in your situation, and it really, really sucks. But as much as it sucks for you, I can tell you from experience that it is 100 times worse for her. (If you want more details, do feel free to email me.) Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYour Dad and my Mum could be related based upon this behaviour. I can understand your fear regarding coming out to him, perhaps maybe you can start by calling him out when he makes the inappropriate comments explaining that not only does it make you feel uncomfortable but also it confuses you as his generalised comments contradict with the way he is with people on an individual basis and doesn't fit with the man you know and love as a father.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the input guys. I got a little more insight the other weekend when a friend of mine went on the boat with my dad. Just the two of them...I know it seems weird but my dad is just that cool.
ReplyDeleteMy friend that went has a sister that is gay. My dad made a comment about the lead singer of a band he really likes being gay and it opened up a conversation about homosexuality, transgender etc...
She told me that basically he is "O.K." with people being gay, but he still does not get people who want a sex change...
Not sure this would apply to his own daughter, but I still think it is positive!